Don’t Judge a Person by One Version of Them
You’re not just one version of yourself.
Neither is anyone else.
You can be:
- A caring parent at home but a tough taskmaster at work.
- A respected boss but someone still seeking approval from their own parents.
- A strong mentor to others but struggling in your own life.
- A spouse who provides everything but stays emotionally distant.
- A high-performing teammate but disconnected from the family.
- A loyal friend but someone who doesn’t open up about how they feel.
- A visionary co-founder and a partner who forgets to say thank you.
- A dutiful son or daughter but someone who hasn’t called home in weeks.
We all play different roles.
Each role brings out a different side of us.
But here’s the problem:
Most people judge you based on the version that hurt or helped them the most.
And that’s where understanding breaks down.
We lose great teammates. Strain relationships. Misread people’s intentions.
The Hardest Mental Skill Today?
Not intelligence. Not discipline.
It’s holding multiple truths at once, without jumping to conclusions.
Every person you meet is a complex story, not a single sentence.
Want to Grow as a Leader? Start Here.
That colleague who always pushes back?
-> Maybe they just want to be heard.
That team member who’s always late?
-> Maybe they’re managing something heavy at home.
That friend who doesn’t reply for weeks?
-> Maybe they’re not okay and don’t know how to talk about it.
That co-founder who seems cold?
-> Maybe they’re dealing with financial stress you don’t see.
That parent who never says “I love you”?
-> Maybe they’ve been showing it in small ways every day.
That spouse who avoids emotional talks?
-> Maybe they’ve never been taught how to express feelings.
That boss who never compliments?
-> Maybe they’ve been defending you behind closed doors.
That employee who stays quiet?
-> Maybe they’ll be the first to show up when things go wrong.
Fast Judgment Is Easy. Perspective Takes Effort.
If you want to lead better, connect deeper, or grow faster, start here.
Try this four-step habit:
1. Pause. Don’t react right away.
2. Zoom Out. Ask: What else might be going on?
3. Reframe. What version of them am I seeing right now?
4. Reflect. Would I want to be judged based on my worst moment?
You don’t need to excuse people.
But you do need to understand them before you decide how to respond.
You wouldn’t rate a product based on one bad review.
Don’t rate a person based on one bad moment.
Zoom out.
Trade judgment for perspective.
That’s how empathy starts.
That’s how leadership deepens.
Think of someone you’ve misjudged recently. What version of them did you see? What version did you miss?
P.S. This post is inspired from the brainstorming session with Dr. Shankar Chawla and Shivani.