Why Do Some People Stay Calm Under Pressure While Others Lose Control?

They don’t react to events. They control how they label them. The situation doesn’t cause stress. The label you attach to it does.

Think about it:

• Your manager says, “This presentation could be stronger.”
  → You label it as criticism and feel undervalued.
• A colleague sends a passive-aggressive email.
  → You label it as disrespect and let it ruin your mood.
• Your boss suddenly changes a deadline.
  → You label it as unfair and start feeling overwhelmed.

The problem is not the event. It is the meaning you assign to it.

I used to overreact to last-minute deadline changes until I realized the deadline didn’t stress me out. The label I gave it did.

Here is a framework that will help you navigate challenging situations.

Pause. Run it through this 3-step mental filter before you react:

The Label-Own-Choose Framework

1. Label It (What actually happened? Fact vs. Feeling)

• Your manager says, “This presentation could be stronger.”
• You think, “They don’t appreciate my work.”
  -> Frustration hits immediately. Pause: what if that’s just a label?

What if it actually means they see potential and want you to improve before a bigger opportunity?

Same words, different labels, completely different reactions.

2. Own It (Am I reacting to reality or my interpretation?)

• A colleague sends a short, cold email.
• You think, “They’re being rude.” Frustration hits.
  -> But what if they’re just busy? What if their tone has nothing to do with you?

Reframe it: “Their tone isn’t my responsibility. My reaction is.”

Own your reaction. Take back control.

3. Choose (Will my reaction help or make this worse?)

• Your boss moves the deadline up by three days.
• You think, “This is unfair!” Stress builds.

Better response: “What’s the priority? What’s in my control? What can I delegate?”

Test yourself: Will this matter next week? If not, don’t give it more than 5 minutes of your energy.

Think about the last time you overreacted. What label did you attach to the situation?

When something tests your patience, pause and try Label-Own-Choose today.

Did it change how you reacted?

Remember, most things don’t need an emotional reaction. They just need clarity.